i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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