singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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