Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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