Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
