Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think your dad took our porno
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
