Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
