I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
