while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
