So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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