yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
