she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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