Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
