eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
