I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
