Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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