we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize