You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
