A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Green mimosas i think yes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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