She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
