Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
