Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
