Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
