You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
This baby is an asshole
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
