so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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