Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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