you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
