just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
