I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
