plz talk dirty to me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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