I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So drunk its hurt
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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