dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
