I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
