Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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