This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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