Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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