who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
