Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
