I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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