Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
