hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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