Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize