U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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