drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
