I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize