We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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