We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
