After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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