Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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