I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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