Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
