I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Your cock deserves a montage
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
