Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize