my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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