I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
