why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
