Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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