Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just found a bag of teeth...
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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