i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
