No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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