she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
