Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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