Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
