i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
