I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
