We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize