I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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