Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
