I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
