i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
