Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
