I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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