I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize