ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
