today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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