ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
