Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
