This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
