puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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