There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
