You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Im part way to drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
