i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
