I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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