and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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