4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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