Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
