12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i think my mom watched the whole time
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
