I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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