I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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