I'm drive I can fine osifer
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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