I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Blood and glitter go together right?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize