We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
