best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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